@2 Overcoming Weak Inclinations

Timeline: Central Intelligence → On Feeling Behind → Inclinations → Overcoming (Why & How)

Central Intelligence

I was thinking about the comedy Central Intelligence recently. The one with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson playing the once bullied, obese high schooler turned world-saving agent stud. Oh, and Kevin Hart tags along too. It's not the first film with this hysterical duo, but the only one I know that capitalized on the "little Hart and big Johnson" joke.

It's another one of Hollywood's goofy comedies that is built around predictable and popular tropes. Maybe by making the plot more digestible for audiences, you avoid perplexing people and forcing them to comprehend just before you try to land a joke. Or maybe Hollywood has a writer problem...

Anyways, this film plays off the trope of the "loser" who fades into obscurity, only to reappear years later transformed and more refined than his judges. The arc is most satisfying when the subject of everyone's desire and jealousy is revealed to be the rejected fellow from years ago. Everyone would have forgotten them... had it not been for the cripplingly cringeworthy public embarrassment in which the person played center stage, which is occasionally remembered at parties as a way to banter about the good old times.

I think we all want to be like The Rock's character. However, overcoming public and personal image is very challenging. And that's why I want to talk about this type of arc.

On Feeling Behind

Most people have been - and likely still feel - behind in some respect. It doesn't have to be physical development like in the movie. It could be social skills, life experiences, career, educational and intellectual development. Maybe even maturity more generally. These are some of life's racetracks. Some of these life tracks are capped, like physical capability and arguably even social competence: you've maxed out when you've been able to schmooze everyone in the room. Some are practically uncapped, like money, knowledge, and experience.

The issue with thinking in terms of competitive arenas is that it makes us compare ourselves to others. We are, unfortunately, too focused on where we stand relative to one another. I think it is largely a distraction. And a harmful one too, as self-worth starts to get dictated by standards set by others, as opposed to the standards we set ourselves. Nonetheless, thinking about the dynamics and distribution of people on life racetracks is valuable. It can tell us what is feasible and also what the common patterns are for moving along it.

Probably the most succinct effect to describe the majority of movement is the Matthew Effect. It says that benefit or progress accrues proportionally to your initial position relative to others. It's "the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer." You can see this as a consequence of compounding. If person A has 1 apple seed and person B has 3 apple seeds, and both plant what they have, they will double their apple seeds by next year - or however long it takes for an apple tree to grow. Seems good for both, but the gulf between them has also doubled from 2 to 4. The small initial imbalance will get accentuated in absolute terms over time. This is a useful abstraction for thinking about uncapped racetracks. But the idea of your 'initial standing' is quite a restrictive way to frame things. For one, everyone is born at different times, and so the race doesn't begin at the same time. Also, when would we decide to start these races? Birth? Start of school? Entering uni? Starting a career?

I prefer to think in terms of the rate of progress. What size step are we taking right now? Broadly speaking, two categories of traits or gifts contribute to the rate of progress:

• Enablers that grow your step size: Accessibility to resources, talent, and positive natural inclinations.

• Blockers that shrink your step size: Negative natural inclinations.

I am going to argue why inclination is one of the best determinants of success in these races and also one of the few factors that is wholly in our control.

Inclinations

An inclination is how we tend to respond to an event. Do we choose to respond by acting or by not acting? For example, how do you respond in large social gatherings? How do you respond to the prospect of putting in a lot of work and effort? What if the rewards are known? What if the rewards are not known? You are inclined - or have a strong inclination - to something if you usually choose to act, and are not inclined - or have a weak inclination - if you usually choose not to act.

Certain inclinations will be particularly favorable for achieving an end. Those who naturally excel in a particular regard are likely to have naturally strong inclinations that are beneficial. Their disposition leads to lower barriers to starting "practice," which is followed by an improvement in that skill. Big, compounding strides. You can think about this as the likelihood we will (consciously or unconsciously) pick up a beneficial habit early on in life.

Inclination should not be confused with desire. Wanting to be smart, fit, charming, or cool is pretty universally desirable. However, we are not all gifted with naturally strong inclinations. In "A Real Pain," Jesse Eisenberg's character is constantly jealous of Kieran Culkin's effortless ability to get people to like him. He lights up the room and brings energy and fun to the party. We assume that he's always been like this but that his ease with others has relaxed more because of his frequency of hanging out with strangers. This is quite relatable, the feeling that it's a very uneven playing field and that some people have it much easier. Few wish to play the game because they think it's too much of an uphill battle. So, I think we guard against this insecurity by convincing ourselves that these qualities are not desirable and that we don't want them to a greater degree. Sadly, aversion overpowers desire. Again, the folly of comparing ourselves with others makes us think that we will only be fulfilled if we match or exceed others. Instead, rowing our race will not only give you the satisfaction of making personally impressive progress but overcoming the feeling of being stuck will force you to act and fulfill your desires.

The lesson is that our natural inclinations set the default on what we gravitate towards or away from. The trope from Central Intelligence stands as the noticeable exception to this pattern of behavior because the default was changed.

Overcoming

Why

There is a unique opportunity here for those who feel behind. You might think that I am bucketing people into two categories, weak and strong inclinations, and that I am about to argue for moving from the weak to strong bucket. But I have so far given an account of naturally weak and strong inclinations, and in overcoming weak inclinations, you gain something quite different. The destination is not the same. It's highly desirable and also very rarely attained. It is most easily reached if you start with weak inclinations, but this is a route few have the courage and perseverance to go down.

Because naturally strong inclinations are inherited, there is no reason to suggest they do not also come with inconvenient baggage. Uncontrolled surplus comes at a cost and can be toxic. Let's take the example of the guy who is super relaxed at parties. This might come from naturally not caring about what others think. This creates less social anxiety and more social confidence, but might also admit arrogance and unabated pride into their personality. The familiar tragedy of 'A Real Pain' is that Kieran Culkin's Bon vivant character has become so dependent on the company of others that solitude has become unbearable.

So what is the prize? By mapping your course to what you want in a deliberate and controlled way, you can reach a more refined version of what you desire without the downside of excess.

How

I am arguing for self-overcoming. It is a very difficult process. It requires you to internalize a change in your nature, which is something we see as both inaccessible and immutable. Nature is not so natural, though, and often many of our responses or triggers have been ingrained through long periods of unintentional habituation.

My suggestion is quite conventional. But the best wisdom is like that. Universal truth is constantly being independently rediscovered. And my suggestion is to lean into discomfort. To change your inclination, you have to actively go against the decisions that have served you poorly.

Here is my three-step process for adjusting how you respond to things:

1. Focus on what you desire:

• Be honest with yourself about it.

• Don't be driven towards something someone else says you should want. This practice is demanding, and you will want a strong and genuine force of attraction to keep you going.

2. Acknowledge the feelings of aversion that are arising:

• You can't build off denial.

• There may still be good counsel in what your body is telling you.

• Experience is part of the miracle of life, even the painful experiences.

• Self-realization is part of self-overcoming.

3. Take charge and consciously pursue desires over aversions:

• Most aversions are debilitating and self-sabotaging and have a habit of stopping you from moving.

• To make a conscious decision is not to be reckless or blind. I'm not advocating for extreme egotism at all costs.

The third step is the hardest. It's the action step, while the first two are just thinking. This is going to require a lot of focus and strength. But you will become stronger and more resilient as a result.

For all those who feel deflated, stuck, and behind, this is a reminder that there is a whole lot of greatness waiting for you ahead. Go get it, baby!